Blasts from the Past

Remakes are big business. Some are faithful ports with some new tech added like Chrono Trigger for the DS, others an update with flashy new graphics such as Star Ocean on the PSP. We've seen hundreds of classics made available for download on various platforms, and there are sequels and reimagined franchises like Bionic Commando. As much as we want to see exciting new experiences, we still want to play the games and control the characters that got us here.

While I'm not a fan of series being rehashed to the point that they're ground into idiocy (Sonic the Hedgehog), or a good game being turned into a series for marketing/ money purposes (Bioshock, quite possibly), there is definitely room for keeping gaming history fresh as the future unfolds.

That being said, these are some games that I loved playing as I grew up that I think really need to be remade in some fashion or another. Whether it be a download of the original, or a completely new entry, these need to come back into the gaming world.

Starflight: This game was one of my favorite Sega Genesis titles. A sprawling space RPG, you took control of a ship and chose a crew, then went out into the galaxy to solve the mystery of vanishing planets. Even from the initial crew decisions, the title showed depth: different races were better at different positions, but certain races also refused to work with others, so you had to choose carefully.
Over the course of the game, you battled and negotiated with the various other races, landed on different planets to mine and search for clues, upgraded your ship, and ultimately became a hero. The combat was entirely ship based and all action, hammering on the fire button to attack or engaging the thrusters to hopefully get away.
In a lot of ways, it could be said that Mass Effect shares a lot of DNA with Starflight. The major difference is that Starflight was entirely ship based, from the travel to the combat.
Starflight is a game that could definitely do with a new version. With the new technology available, a game that was deep and engaging years ago could really be amazing.

Star Control: Yea, another space-based Genesis game, though this one was more about multiplayer. There was a single player mode that was pretty cool, but either way it all boiled down to the ship battles. Choose a craft from a surprisingly broad selection of drastically different ships, and blast away until your opponent is space dust. You could also create a team, cycling to the next when a ship was destroyed.
There was a story of sorts, and again there was a single player mode that had you traveling through the galaxy trying to take over planets, but the battle system was the same thing with AI opponents instead of human.
Why this game hasn't come back as a download is beyond me. Make it playable over Xbox Live, maybe with two and four player options.

Snatcher/ Policenauts: There was once a game called Snatcher. It was released for the Sega CD, and was an adventure game created by Hideo Kojima (of Metal Gear fame). For the most part it was a graphic adventure: talk to people, examine scenes for clues, put together the pieces of the deep story as you progress to new areas. There was a combat system, a grid that had you hitting different squares as they lit up, but the core of the game was the story. It even had a little Metal Gear machine as a sidekick. While it wasn't extraordinarily popular in its day, as the genre is something of an acquired taste (and Japanese games in particular appeal to a pretty specific niche market in the US), over the years it has become a cult classic and now fetches some pretty insane prices.
The sequel, Policenauts, never saw a release in the States. I very nearly imported it, but being a primarily text-driven game entirely in Japanese, it seemed like a poor use for my money.
These games would do great as a release on the DS. The adventure genre has enjoyed a bit of a resurgence on Nintendo's handheld, and the touch panel would be great for the "hit the square" battles. The story was great, the game was cool, but it was doomed from the start. Not only was it on a system that only Sega fanboys (like myself) owned, but it came at a time when gamers were entralled with 3D and not looking at text adventures. Now that the genre has found a home, it's time for more gamers to finally play and appreciate Snatcher, and for fans to get the chance to play Policenauts.

Guardian Legend: An old NES game, a mash-up of two different genres. Take off as a ship in a top-down shooter, blasting weird aliens until you reached a boss. Once you finish it off, you transform from a ship into a guy and travel through dungeons in an action-RPG. Move from room to room, killing monsters and getting items, until you get to the end and once again take to the air to fly through another shooting section and open up the next ground area.
Here's another one that would do well on the DS as a revamped classic, though it would also be one that could be reimagined as a new experience. It could do well on Wii's Virtual Console, but I can't really see it working on another download service.
Still, a new Guardian Legend would be pretty cool, completely remade for the new consoles and reworked with classic gameplay and new sensibilities.

Wing Commander: Not the later versions that did everything they could to crap on the franchise, or the XBLA... thing, but a real Wing Commander game.
I've been playing Ace Combat 6 lately, and considered that engine being used in a space shooter. It could totally work, and what better use for it than the classic space shooter? Bring back the Kilrathi, dogfights among the stars, and bring a legendary series into the modern day. Speaking of space shooters, a remake of TIE Fighter vs. X-Wing would be pretty cool, too. Online play, of course, epic battles with a bunch of players, and life would be a pretty good place.

Secret of Evermore: This SNES action-RPG by Square got overshadowed by other releases, but it was one of my favorites. The short version of the story is that a young boy and his dog get pulled into a place called Evermore, a creation of a group of scientists that were trying to build their dream world. Since it was made by different scientists, each area was completely different: a prehistoric zone, futuristic space station, fantasy kingdom, and others. Your dog changed in each area to fit the theme, and you had to battle through these zones to find out who had taken over the world of Evermore.
Way different than the cliched RPG's that Square has been churning out in recent years.
Why they never revisited this tale, or haven't brought it back to the DS or PSP, I have no idea.

Solstice, a NES game where each room was an involved puzzle. No combat, just a bunch of complex brain teasers as you tried to reassemble the scattered pieces of a mystical staff. Air Fortress, another genre mix for the NES that had you shooting through some areas in a ship and then working your way on foot through complex space stations. Once you destroy the heart of the station, you must do some quick fancy flying to get out before the whole thing blows up. These could make cool downloads, though Air Fortress would make a pretty good new release.


There are, of course, a bunch of others. Those were just the ones that I kicked out from the top of my head. Of course, I like to see some hot new IP's hit the shelves, but remakes and revisions are a way of life in the gaming world. With that in mind, these are the ones I'd be reserving day one.

The War of the War Game

Not long ago (4/14/09, Games? Controversy? No way!), I discussed the controversial game Six Days in Fallujah. The game, developed by Atomic and being published by Konami, had garnered a lot of press due to the subject matter: the title centered on the 2004 battle of Fallujah.

In a nutshell (for those too lazy to hit up the archive and read the previous post), the game is intended as a realistic portrayal of the bloody and controversial battle. The developers used stories from participants, pictures and videos, and everything they could to make the game as close to the actual story as possible. While many people, including some Marines attached to the project, feel that this is a part of history and that the game can show people what really happened. Others, such as families of soldiers who were killed or injured in the battle, feel that the game is inappropriate and should not be released. They feel that it actually insults the memory of the fallen by turning it into a game, with health bars and restarts and such, which takes away from the real life situations that the soldiers experienced.

The game garnered more controversy last week, when it was revealed that Atomic Games had gotten input from Iraqi insurgents as well as US Marines. According to Peter Tamte, Atomic's president, they received input from Marines, Iraqi civilians, and the insurgents. As Tamte explains, all three of these factions were affected by the battle, and he felt the contributions from all of them would help achieve the insight they needed for the experience they were crafting.

Of course, the fact that they were soliciting the input of the very faction we were fighting only fueled the fires. The storm of controversy grew stronger, to the point where the game was even called a training simulator to "kill Marines".

This week, Konami announced that they will not be publishing Six Days in Fallujah. The decision was made because of the negative reactions, as well as "phone calls and emails" that they had received concerning the title. My guess is they got some pretty nasty words aimed their way. Atomic Games is currently looking for a new publisher for the nearly finished game.

Now that we've gotten all the facts out of the way...

I wasn't in the battle of Fallujah, nor do I know anybody who was there, so maybe I just can't fully understand the pain of someone who was there or a family member to whom someone didn't come home. Having a reminder of this tragic event, I'm sure, is akin to spraying lemon juice into an open wound. I also don't play war games, so I'm not eagerly awaiting the release of this one so I can play it. So I probably have no vested interest in the game one way or another. I'm not for or against the game either way.

That being said, I do think that the announcement represented a huge step back for the industry.

Konami caved in to the pressure, and pretty much told the world that if they yell loud enough they can get us to give in. That may be a bit dramatic, but it is a dangerous path to start down. What happens now when the next controversial game gets announced, and some group starts flipping out about it? Will this be pointed out as a precedent?

I wonder: if this was a movie being made about the battle, would it have garnered the same level of controversy? Would people be outraged that it was being made, showing the stories of the people involved, or would they see it as a representation of history?

The fact is, for every person who was outraged by the game, there were probably just as many who supported the idea. However, as is usually true in any controversy, it's the ones "against" who generally make the most noise.

Konami shouldn't have cancelled the project. They should have stuck to their guns and believed in their project. If they truly thought that they were releasing a respectful and accurate portrayal of the battle, then they could have stood by that. Video games aren't exactly new to controversy, and for the most part the industry has always weathered the storm, but this opens some very dangerous doors.

On the other hand, I suppose, the industry gets a lot of negative press already. I suppose I can see the thought process that lead up to Konami's decision to drop the game.

As soon as we start letting ourselves get swayed by public opinion, though, we may as well pack up and go home.

There's a good chance that someone will pick up the game for publication, and that Six Days in Fallujah will see the light of day. It will still be surrounded by a storm of controversy, people will play it or not, and the world will eventually move on to the next big argument.

Here's a thought, though: The people so vocally opposed to the game would be the first to proudly point out that our soldiers fight for the American way of life, and die to defend our freedom of speech.

Whine and Cheese

Not long ago, Microsoft released a series of video shorts over its Xbox Live service entitled Horror Meets Comedy. The series of free videos were created by some of today's hottest horror movie directors, including James Wan of Saw and James Gunn, who directed Slither (and also created the hilarious PG Porn shorts for Spike TV).

Now, though, James Gunn has come forward to offer up his complaints about the experience, calling Microsoft "dreadful" and "unfriendly to talent". On his blog, he shares his whining... I mean, his feelings about what he says was poor treatment of himself and his work by the console manufacturer.

According to Gunn, Microsoft offered the filmmakers "complete creative freedom", and he subsequently created a short called Humanzee. Gunn calls the film "the most balls out, fucked up thing" that he's ever done. However, this fucked up thing proved too much for Microsoft, and they refused to air the piece. So Gunn went back to the drawing board and returned with Sparky and Mikaela, a tale about a superhero girl and her raccoon sidekick. Microsoft said that they would approve it, as long as it kept within the limits of PG-13 sensibilities.

Gunn can whine all he wants about them rejecting his first idea, but if it was as balls out and fucked up as he claims, then it's not really surprising that the Microsoft censors had some issues. They were offering a free video on a service that all ages use, so I can see where they wanted it to fall within acceptable limits.

Anyway, Microsoft said that it had to be PG-13 and have no sex, but when Gunn submitted his finished product they again "freaked out" and wanted cuts to be made. As Gunn explains on his blog:

Obviously they had no fucking idea what PG-13 was, as they wanted me to cut the words “penis” and “vagina.” They made me cut a piece of very fake poop and a bunch of other stuff. And then, when they were done making me cut things, they took the final cut and cut it up themselves even more before airing it.

To sum things up, Warner Bros was a bastion of creative freedom on SCOOBY DOO 2 in comparison. I’m not exaggerating or being facetious. Microsoft/XBox was by far the most dreadful, non-talent friendly company I’ve ever worked for. And if you think I had it bad, some of the other directors (most specifically, SAW director James Wan, who just happens to be one of my favorite people in the world) had it even worse.

I'm a parent, and my daughter uses Xbox Live. While she's not prone to randomly looking on the marketplace and downloading videos, I can easily imagine that some kids may be. Different people have different ideas of what is appropriate or not, and while some people may find something just fine others may find it offensive. Thus is the burden of a big company like Microsoft, with millions of people from all walks of live using their product: they have to try to play things as safe as possible.

Oh, and for the record, Mr. Gunn, you're bringing Scooby Doo 2 into this? That movie pretty much sucked, so I think using that as your watermark isn't the way to go.

Gunn then goes on to point out what he believes is an example of the manufacturer's hypocrisy, in the sense that they allow games with sex and violence on their console, things that kids can play, but they were really hard on these short films.

Of course, he doesn't mention that games cost money and the downloads were free. An eight-year-old isn't exactly going to drive out to a store, manage to buy an M-rated game without getting carded, shell out the cash, and come home to play. True, if a parent is going to let their little kids play Grand Theft Auto IV then they may have no issue with them also watching a balls out horror video, but some people actually try to act like adults and regulate what their children can see.

The Xbox 360 does have parental controls in place to limit what can be played and downloaded. So, really, the videos could have been tagged with an R rating and therefore locked to anyone who wasn't authorized to download that level. However, it seems to me (as I did download most of the Horror Meets Comedy videos), that Microsoft wanted something lighter in tone and not something that they'd need to potentially lock out.

I've heard it said that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. This probably holds true here.

James Gunn feels that his work was bastardized and he was treated badly by Microsoft, who probably felt like they had to keep the films within a certain level of apropos. They may very well have offered creative freedom, but most likely gave some parameters to stick to, and the director may have gone past those guidelines while creating his vision.

Honestly, though, it mostly sounds like Gunn is just being whiny.

Friday Night Fail: Stabbed in the Back Edition

Have you ever seen a really attractive person, and they're carting around an ugly baby?

You know what I mean. You're out at the mall, and you see a gorgeous redhead. While you're checking her out, you catch a glimpse of the baby she's got in a stroller, and it looks like a misshapen potato with a face.

Why do I bring this up? Well, because I've played the DS version of Assassin's Creed, dubbed Altair's Chronicles.

I loved the Xbox 360 entry, and it really is one of my favorite experiences in this generation. I liked the very concept of playing through someone's genetic memories, I enjoyed the gameplay, and I thought the game looked amazing. Standing on a tower, looking out across Jerusalem, was simply breathtaking. Sure, it had its flaws, like any title does, but overall the game was a lot of fun. I've watched the special edition bonus DVD, own the art book, and am foaming at the mouth in anticipation of the sequel. So, obviously, a bit of a fan of the franchise.

Of course, I'm equating the console version of Assassin's Creed to that hot redhead at the mall.

So I was pretty intrigued by the DS version, which was telling a new story focusing on lead character Altair before the events of the console game. Unfortunately, the handheld game turned out to be a weird potato child.

The DS game is a side scrolling action game, a departure from the console's three dimensional open world. Of course, we're talking some serious difference in system horsepower, so I'm not actually that upset by this.

The graphics were actually pretty decent, all things considered. The gameplay was pretty typical side scrolling action, though, with a few acrobatics tossed in to try and be true to the franchise. Unfortunately, it just wasn't very compelling. Even taking into account the drastic difference in hardware, they distilled the spirit of Assassin's Creed and just turned it into a generic handheld game. There was some combat, a few jumping or acrobatic sections, the occasional talking head cinematic offering up a bit of mediocre story that did nothing to move the series along. Nothing noteworthy, and certainly not worthy of the Assassin's Creed name.

The entire game can be beaten in a matter of a few hours, a big drop from a sprawling and involved epic to a generic action game that's shorter than a Lord of the Rings movie.

However, I didn't actually finish the game. I had put about two hours or so into it (which put me past the halfway point), when I happened upon a glitch that completely halted any forward progress. There was a person who wouldn't let me move on until I got an item for him. I had the item, obtained the the way the game intended, but he just kept telling me to get him the item. I reloaded my earlier save, got the item again, but he didn't change his tune. I went online and searched for an answer, but all the walkthroughs told me to get the item exactly the way I had and give it to him, which I was trying to do.

So I couldn't move on, and pretty much gave up. It wouldn't have been too hard to go back and restart the game, and blow through the first couple hours again in the hopes that the game would work the second time, but honestly by that point I had completely lost interest.

The fact is, this wouldn't have been a very good game even without a franchise attached to it, but bearing the Assassin's Creed name and sucking like it did just made the whole experience worse. Like it had let the fans of the series down by drawing them in with the name and then spiting them by being made of fail.

Just like that weird potato baby, it's best to just ignore Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles while enjoying what its hot mom has to offer.

20 Candles

Happy birthday, Gameboy.

On April 21, 1989, Nintendo Japan unleashed a new device upon the world. The body was grey and shaped a lot like a brick. The screen displayed green and... green. Still, it was one of the most important releases the industry had ever seen . No longer beholden to a TV, gamers could now be anywhere and still be playing.

The US release followed in August of that year. I actually still remember the system coming out, I remember my brother and I saving every cent we had so we could each buy one. The day (pretty much the minute) we had enough, we forced our father to drive us to a long-defunct local electronics chain called Lechmere so we could buy our Gameboys. It had Tetris packed in, still one of the greatest handheld games of all time on any device. At that time, we used to drive down to Florida from Massachusetts a few times a year to visit family, and now we had more to do than stare at the scenery. It turns out that I'm one of those unfortunate people who can't really focus on something (a book, a game, etc) while in a moving car without getting queasy, but I'm sure my brother had a great time.

My friends and I are the reason our high school enacted a "no handheld game" policy. Prior to the Gameboy, it obviously wasn't really a rule one would think to have, but our little band of geeks would huddle around one desk during study halls or one table at lunch, playing and watching and linking up, so to all the kids now that can't bring a handheld to Ashland High School: you're welcome.

As time moved on, the Gameboy evolved and changed. The Gameboy Pocket offered the same device in a smaller package, which was cool but hardly an evolution. The Gameboy Color got rid of the green-scale screen and displayed games in (gasp!) color. That was a big deal.

The Gameboy Color eventually gave way to the Gameboy Advance, a huge leap forward in capabilities for the handheld. Despite some major shortcomings (like needing to be in direct sunlight or under precise lighting conditions to see the screen), the GBA was an amazing device that saw some classic titles.

Why, Nintendo, haven't we seen a DS or Wii Golden Sun yet?

The GBA was modified into the GBA SP (yes, the SP really stands for nothing). Featuring a clamshell design that could be closed to protect the screen, and an internal light, the GBA SP was the culmination of the Gameboy family. Minorly tweaked later in its life cycle with the addition of a brighter screen, the GBA SP outsold pretty much everything that had come before and enjoyed well-deserved success.

Regardless of what was happening on the home console front throughout the generations and in the "console wars", in the handheld space there was only one clear winner. In pockets across the world, the Gameboy was the king, and even in the company's darkest days it could be argued that the success of the handheld kept Nintendo alive.

The Gameboy Advance has since been laid to rest, with it the Gameboy name itself. However, the spiritual successor of the Gameboy line, the DS, lives on and proudly carries the torch of Nintendo's handheld excellence.

It's been a long road since we were wowed by simple green graphics. These days, a cell phone can do more with games than that old grey brick. For those of us who can remember the early days of handheld gaming, though, the graphics didn't matter. What mattered was that we could play games on the go, take Super Mario Brothers and Final Fantasy games with us and play wherever we were. As gamers, we were free of cords and televisions, and those that recall that feeling know it was more powerful than anything that has come since, whether it be full color or two screens or whatever.

Happy birthday, buddy...

Ouchies

Video game players, especially those that fall into the "hardcore" category, have long been the subject of stereotypes and sometimes outright derision. One of the most popular and long-standing insults levied at is is that we're all fat and lazy and sit in darkened basement rooms on a couch for hours on end not moving save for our trigger fingers and thumbs.

Of course, this is in most cases completely untrue. My basement room has quite enough lighting, thank you very much.

The fact is, though, if you're playing a marathon gaming session, which can and has happened to many of us (damned Puzzle Quest), you really are sitting still and pretty much just pushing buttons. If you're "in the zone" (or just really bored), these sessions can quickly become hours spent without much movement.

Many people (ie: non-gamers) like to say that it's because we're lazy, or socially inept and can't get a date so we may as well sit around and play games, or really fat so we don't like to move, or whatever else we've all heard a million times. However, we gamers know the real reason we generally stay still: moving can cause injury, and therefore hurt. Unlike some people, gamers are smart enough to know that hurting yourself is actually a bad thing.

Recently, the New York Times ran an article about Wii-related injuries, particularly from Wii Sports and Wii Fit. Seems that this "movement" and "activity" that Nintendo is forcing upon us is actually causing injuries more severe than carpal tunnel syndrome. Silly.

The article is written by a 40-year-old man who actually hurt himself playing tennis on Wii Sports, and spoke to a doctor about the pain.

As a side note, yesterday I played about two hours straight of Ace Combat 6, and sustained no serious injury. I'm just saying...

The author spoke to a Dr. Charles Young, an orthopedic surgeon, who had done some experimenting with Wii Fit. He played for about an hour, and afterwards "was really hurting". He says that the next day he had shared the story with some nurses in the operating room, who also admitted to being sore after playing various Wii games. That's what they talk about in operating rooms? Really, I'd expect them to discuss the human who happens to be sliced open on the table. Or, if House and ER are any indication, they'd be insulting each other and/ or hitting on one another.

While the article admits that the word "epidemic" is a bit strong, it does point out that Wii-related injuries are reasonably common. In interviews with orthopedists and sports medicine doctors, they found few reports of serious injuries but a lot of complaints about pains, strain, and swelling related to Wii usage.

Again, aside from some mental annoyance at being unable to find a single online game in Ace Combat 6, I survived the game without any pain at all. I have also been playing an insane amount of Pokemon Platinum lately, and have yet to sustain anything even remotely approaching injury.

The author of the article decided to call this "Nintendinitis". Oh, he's so clever. Actually, wait, I just got that. It is pretty funny.

A Dr. William Levine points out that with whatever the new active fad may be, there are always a bunch of orthopedic injuries associated with it. He points out snowboarding and skateboarding as examples. Ummm.... that may be true, but I would think that the risk of serious injury in snowboarding is a little higher than playing Wii Fit. Unless you're really special, and then maybe you'll kill yourself while playing and at least earn yourself a Darwin Award.

The author then spoke with Dr. Brian Halpern, a sports medicine physician. He states that the concept is great because it gets people active and involved, and that they can work out areas that haven't been worked in a long time. He says that he has treated two types of Wii-related injuries (I suppose the embarassment of going to a doctor for a Wii-related injury doesn't count as a symptom). The first is a traumatic injury, such as a sprained ankle or twisted knee, which can be caused by playing the game in a confined space. The second is the repetitive stress of playing too long. He also points out that a common issue is that people realize a full swing isn't actually required, and that you can really just flick your wrist to serve or bowl. Concentrating that force into the muscles of the forearm is the exact motion that can cause tennis elbow.

The article does point out that the Wii was built with warnings about prolonged usage, and that there are electronic prompts that regularly pop up to urge players to take a break. I've only seen those prompts in Wii Fit. Of course, every console has warnings about prolonged use and such, and every instruction manual for every game states the same thing. Nobody cares. Nobody reads the fine print warnings on the first page of the instructions. Hell, I think I'm one of the last people that actually read the instruction manuals at all.

Of course, a rep for Nintendo had to chime in. Denise Kaigler, VP for marketing and corporate affairs, points out that "as consumers adapt to this new style of play, there have been a few reports of minor incidents during overly enthusiastic game play." She then states that more health and safety warnings, including one about playing in an area free of obstructions, have been added.

This is the world we live in, folks. One where people need to be specifically told to play in an area where they won't hit or run into things. So those people who kept hitting their hands on the bookshelf and couldn't figure out what to do, Nintendo now has you covered with an answer.

When I bought my Dreamcast, there was a section in the manual about connecting the phone cord from the console to the wall. This in itself doesn't sound like a difficult procedure, but the best part was the statement that "if the supplied phone cord is not long enough, use a longer cord". Thank you Sega, for clearing that up, for I don't think that idea would have ever occurred to me. Sadly, despite my sarcasm, I envision that if they hadn't put that in there'd be several people holding one end of a cord, the other end in the Dreamcast, standing a few feet away from the wall jack crying because they didn't know how to proceed. This story is completely unrelated to the Nintendo thing, other than to point out that people are basically moronic apes who need to use a bit of common sense once in a while.

“As with any new activity, people playing the Wii system should pace themselves and not overdo it,” Ms. Kaigler also said. Again, sound advice that seems to be pretty basic (wow, my arm really hurts. Maybe I should stop doing this activity that is making it hurt for a while), but people apparently need to be told. How, again, are we the dominant species on the planet, and not the subservient slaves to platypus overlords that we probably should be?

Dr. John Sperling says that the aches and pains are a sign of the times. He says that the injuries and the people presenting the complaints couldn't have been imagined three years ago. Yes, doctor, that's because the Wii came out less than three years ago.

Dr. Levine said that the youngest Wii-related patient he treated was 12. The doctor himself, who had admitted to being sore after the Wii Fit session, is 32. He says that his Wii patients have included a 22-year-old with a seriously swollen arm after a marathon Wii session (or, at least, that's what he told the doctor caused it), as well as a 60-year-old man who was playing Wii with his grandchildren.

Some doctors compare some Wii injuries to those sustained by pro athletes. One doctor makes an analogy to a pitcher who hasn't worked his arm in the off-season, and starts throwing too much at spring training and overloads his shoulder or elbow. Just as that pitcher may have to take a few days off to recover, a person with Wii-related pain may have to do the same, especially older people.

To summarize that statement for the laypeople: if you do something that hurts, take some time until the hurt goes away.

Dr. Halpern suggests that the shorter attention span of kids is what probably prevents them from developing the same over-use injuries as adults, describing their play as "cross training without even thinking about it". That, I would think, and the fact that kids are freaking springy. My daughter hurts herself at dance now and again, and is bouncing off the walls like an hour later. I pull something and I'm feeling it for a week.

So what have we learned? Well, people are inherently stupid, but I think we already knew that. We have also learned that movement can lead to pain, and pain is bad. So while people are flailing around spraining their elbows with Wii Sports, I'll be sitting back on my couch not injuring myself with Tomb Raider.

LEGO: The Blog

Today, Warner Brothers Interactive announced a game. This in itself isn't exactly news, as a publisher they are known for doing that once in a while. However, the game in question is a partnership between Traveler's Tales and Harmonix. The rumor of this game had surfaced around the beginning of the month, so many people naturally assumed it was an attempt at an April Fool's joke.

It wasn't. Today, WBI stated that LEGO Rock Band is in fact a reality, and is due out this holiday season. It will be coming to the Xbox 360, Wii, PS3, with an altered version on the DS.

Since the announcement, blogs and press have been going nuts, mostly responding with a resounding "huh?" at the news. There has been confusion, derision, and all sorts of negativity aimed at the concept.

Honestly? I fucking love the idea.

Let's face it, LEGO Rock Band is really bizarre. It takes two popular, but completely unrelated franchises, and mashes them together into something so crazy that I just can't wait to see the concept realized.

Warner Brothers stated in the press release that the game was intended to present the Rock Band series to a more family-oriented audience, though I didn't realize that the original games were that mature or not suitable for kids (apparently I'm a terrible parent then, for letting my daughter play Rock Band 2 with me). They also say that the musical selection is going to be more appropriate for a family audience. I'm not really sure what that's going to entail, but I do know that Europe's The Final Countdown is going to be in the game. SOLD, sirs!

I'm also amused by the fact that you'll be able to "build" your band from LEGO's, and that the venues will be "this planet, and beyond".

To summarize: build a LEGO band, and play The Final Countdown in outer space. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THAT CONCEPT?

I think I like it, in part, simply because it is so strange and unexpected. It was known that TT was working on a new LEGO game, but the speculation across the board was that it would be Harry Potter. Some people, myself included, hoped that after the success of LEGO Batman, we'd see a new game featuring LEGO versions of Marvel characters. Given the imminent release of the new movie, and hence the subsequent increase in attention, it wouldn't be so out there to consider a LEGO Star Trek game. Really, there was a lot of speculation, but I don't think anybody saw this coming.

I think there needs to be more "out there" ideas like this in the industry, whether they be unexpected mash-ups of existing franchises like we have here, or something completely new, no matter how strange it may seem. I mean, try explaining Patapon without sounding absolutely insane. For that matter, try to describe a classic like Q-Bert to someone who is unfamiliar with it. Crazy ideas can work pretty well in an industry known for fantasy. I say that the industry needs MORE weirdness. Bring on the crazy! Do we all just want to play realistic World War II shooters and racing games?

We thrive on the bizarre, but also seem to get all worked up when things seem to get too weird for even us. I'm hoping that as the game gets closer to release, as footage is released and the press gets some hands-on time with it, we'll see a change in the confused (and often negative) thoughts surrounding the project.

To all of the people who immediately dismissed the idea as stupid, or can't wrap their heads around it and are asking why it exists: give your elitist bullshit a rest. Games are meant to be fun, not fit into your skewed sense of "normal". If you can't wrap your head around it, don't buy it, but some of us are going to try it out with an open mind.

I'll buy it, I'll play it, and I'll probably have a serious amount of fun with it. I'm hoping that they go all out with the weirdness. Put in all sorts of strange LEGO characters, like the knights and the skeletons. Have crazy venues and weird instruments, toss in all sorts of silliness. Keep the Rock Band gameplay intact, make sure it's got a great soundtrack, and how can you go wrong.

Who wouldn't want to play Kung Fu Fighting with a skeletal guitarist on Mars? Lame people, that's who!

The 2009 Hot List

So I'm sure you've all been thinking the same thing: "Gee, Grumbly, what games are you extra excited for this year?" I understand. I'm here to help answer that burning question. The burning sensation you have, I can do nothing about.

So, in no particular order:

Xbox 360:
I think one of the games I'm looking forward to the most is Assassin's Creed 2. I really liked the first one, and the bits of information coming out about the second really have me chomping at the bit to play it. A lot of people saw the original as repetitive, but I really got into the ideas it presented (the genetic memory concept) and the gameplay in general. Leaping across buildings, diving into a haystack, sneaking up on a target and sliding the wrist blade into his neck, only to disappear in a group of monks while the guards frantically search for you... If you could look past the flaws (and let's be fair, every game has issues) the game was really amazing.
The second looks to add so much to the formula, and I can't wait to take control of the new protagonist Ezio. From everything I've read so far, they've really added a lot while dropping some of the stuff people complained about from the first, and I'm really chomping at the bit to get my hands on it.

I want to play Ghostbusters. I really do hope it's good, though the writing and the voices of the original actors will cover up a lot of little gameplay flaws. Not all of them, of course, and licensed games are notoriously horrific. Since this isn't based directly on a movie, though, there's a good chance it can not suck.

Oh, and Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. The first one was such a great game, and an under-appreciated one. Hopefully the new one is amazing, but also gets the attention the first one deserved.

Brutal Legend and Rock Band Beatles are right up there. So is Mass Effect 2, but I don't think it's coming out this year, so it doesn't really qualify. However, Bioware's Dragon Age: Origins looks really hot. I'd love for someone to stun the world and announce Crimson Skies 2 for a holiday release, but I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. Oh, and I'm looking forward to The Witcher. I had gotten it for my PC, but it's just past my specs so it doesn't run too well, but what I've played I've really enjoyed.

DS:
First off, I'm really eager to see what comes out specifically for the DSi, and how the games can take advantage of the system's new features. I'm also hoping to see some really cool downloads, since thus far they've been pretty underwhelming.

Phantasy Star Zero is probably the front-runner for DS excitement this year. Provided Sega doesn't fuck it up (which they are very capable of doing....cough*Sonic*cough), this looks like it is going to be awesome. Phantasy Star gameplay, portable, with free online play? Sign me the hell up!

Shining Force Feather, though I don't know if that one has gotten a US release date yet. As a return to form for the Shining Force series, I'm really excited to play it and hope that it hasn't been too seriously harmed (see above). If it can maintain the charm and style of the old tactics games, with enough modernization to not make it feel stale, then I will be a very happy gamer.

There's one coming reasonably soon called Knights of the Nightmare, which is a tactics RPG that looks amazingly complex and deep. I'm really curious on this one. Also, I want to see more on Infinite Space, a sci-fi RPG. I love that genre (Starflight for the Genesis is one of my all-time favorites), so I really want to pick this up when it's released. There's also a game called Sands of Destruction that looks intriguing, due out this summer.

PC:
I'm not a big PC guy, and an MMO guy even less, but I will find the time and the money to play Star Wars: The Old Republic. While it's not necessarily the KOTOR 3 that fans were hoping for, I'll take it nonetheless. I really hope it lives up to the standards set by the original Xbox games.

Wii:
Honestly, I'm not too sure what's catching my fancy for the Wii right now. I would have said Fatal Frame 3, but of course there is currently no plan for a US release.

I'll play No More Heroes 2, as the first one was pretty cool. I'm not sure if that's due out this year or not, though.

Mostly, for the Wii, I'm looking forward to a fun game that isn't a collection of party games. Something that has a story, and doesn't rely on waggle gimmicks to force the motion control into the experience unless it makes sense in context. A deep RPG, or an atmospheric shooter, or something like that.

PSP:
I don't really use my PSP too much, but if the right game comes along I'll definitely play it. I'm looking forward to seeing Assassin's Creed, but hope it's going to be an original stand-alone adventure and not just a port of the first or second game. With all of the focus on Ezio, it would be cool to play an original Altair adventure, but I'll take Ezio as long as it's a good game and an original storyline.

I want to see more classics reborn on the PSP. I had never played the Star Ocean games until they were released last year, and I really enjoyed them, so I'd like for more old titles to get remade. Something like Alundra (which I played but never finished) or Mega Man Legends (to which I would also take a quality sequel).

PS3:
I have no idea. I actually intend to purchase one this year, so really don't know yet what to get excited about. Any of the cross-platform stuff I'm going to get for the 360 unless there's really a reason not to (like a bunch of PS3 exclusive levels or something). When I finally take the plunge and buy my Blu-Ray player that happens to also play some games, I'm mostly going to hit up the back catalogue of titles to fill my PS3 library. Uncharted, Little Big Planet, Folklore, and Valkyria Chronicles are probably the early purchases.

If they were to announce a new Medievil, though, I'd be all up in that shit, yo.

----
So that's it. I'm sure there are a billion more that will part me from my money this year, especially on the DS. Mostly I felt the need to post today, had no real topic in mind, so there you go.

Cutscenes- The Cliche Episode

First of all, I'd like to apologize for Gazpacho. I really wanted him to have a Mexican accent, but while that option is available on Xtranormal it really sounded pretty bad. Like, bad in a "incoherent" sort of way. The site is still a beta, still plenty of tweaks to be made, so maybe we'll get a real voice for Gazpacho someday.

Also, I have no idea why a man who runs a taco stand would be wandering around with a cleaver...

Friday Night Fail: The "Written Saturday Morning" Edition

Did you ever do something that seemed really cool at the time, something that you got swept up in and it wasn't until later that you realized you were an idiot? Maybe it was only a few hours, maybe it was years, but at some point this dirty feeling washed over you as you realized the full scope of what you had done.

Maybe it was something that seemed like a good idea at first, like getting married. Maybe it was just getting swept up in the fun of the moment, and the next day you find yourself in a seedy Vegas motel room naked with a bunch of midget celebrity impersonators passed out on your bed, the bathtub full of lime jell-o and your wrist handcuffed to a unicycle. No matter how exciting it may have been at first, the end result is more a sense of nausea whenever you think about it for too long.

If you've played Sewer Shark for the Sega CD, then you're pretty aware of the feeling I'm talking about.

I loved my Sega CD, and there were some amazing experiences on the oft-maligned add-on. Sonic CD was probably the best of the 2D Sonic games. Lunar and its sequel first appeared on the Sega CD. Snatcher was a brilliant adventure by the creator of Metal Gear Solid. For all of the negativity leveled at the system, it had some cool games.

Sewer Shark really seemed cool at the time. It was a launch title, showing off the Sega CD's full-motion video capabilities, grainy as they were. This was a time when even a blurry video of a real person was still noteworthy, as it was the first time we had seen anything like that on a home console. This was the 16-bit era, a time of sprites and talking head cinematics, so to actually see a real person acting on the screen was reasonably mind-blowing.

The game was a fast-paced shooter in which you got strapped into a ship/pod thing and rocketed through tunnels, shooting at glowing monster things. The action was broken up by cinematics featuring your co-pilot or your boss, each fully acted by real humans and shown in all their FMV glory. There wasn't much of a plot, basic "stop the monsters from being evil and doing bad things" sort of fare, and the action was fast but didn't really deviate from "speed through tunnels and shoot blindly".

The real star of the show was the graphics, which somehow made everything all right at the time. I played through Sewer Shark, more than once if I recall, more to see the FMV sequences than anything. At some point the novelty did begin to wear off, and the complete lack of strategy or gameplay began to show. The ship was completely on rails, so aside from the occasional "choose a tunnel" choices you were always moving ahead in a predetermined straight line. All you really had to do was move the reticle around and blast the creatures that flew around or clung to the walls. Since you were moving at such speed it was easy to miss some, and if you missed to many you were berated by your boss (in a video!) and had to replay that sequence until you managed to accidentally hit enough enemies.

Some old games have stood the test of time, and people still proudly play them to this day. Others may have had their moment in the sun, but still are remembered fondly. Then there are those that seemed cool back in the day, but couldn't really be considered good games then or now.

Sewer Shark wasn't that good to begin with, a shallow experience hidden behind some novelty, hiding its glaring flaws behind some flash. When it was first put into the disc tray, the "whoa! video!" was enough to carry the game for a while. Once the gimmick wore off, though, you realized that it just wasn't a very good game. Whether that moment was immediate, while playing, or years later may have varied by the gamer, but ultimately anybody who played it was left with that same dirty feeling.

Like getting married (or hitting on that hot midget impersonating Madonna), at some point you look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you thought the looks outweighed the substance.

Dead Kids+Video Games=Better Story?

In tonight's post, I'm going to make fun of a dead nine-year-old boy.

Actually, that's not very accurate. I'm not going to make fun of the kid. I am, though, going to point an accusing and most likely sarcastic finger at the New York Daily News and their handling of the boy's story. Still, since we're dealing with the tragic death of a child, and I'm not known for sensitivity, I figured I'd get the shock value out of the way right up front.

Now onto the real tale.

The original story broke on the New York Daily News website, posted on April 15th at 3:43 pm. It seems that a nine-year-old boy jumped off of a building with a makeshift parachute. The child was home alone, his mother had left to go to the store, and he went to the roof of the thirteen story building with a homemade parachute of plastic and string. He was rushed to the hospital, and died an hour later.

OK, before we move on, a special note for his mom: YOU'RE A MORON! I'm sorry that your kid is dead. As a parent, I can't imagine what that must feel like. However, as a parent, I WOULDN'T LEAVE MY YOUNG CHILD HOME ALONE!

Ahem...

Moving on.

At 8:43 pm, exactly five hours after the first story was posted, the same web site posted a very similar story. It still detailed the tragic death of the child, but now there was one major addition to the tale. Now, the kid was imitating a wrestling video game when he threw himself off of the roof.

It doesn't suggest that he was imitating a wrestling show that he had seen on TV. In fact, where the original story had shown a picture of the building, the revised version now had a cover shot of WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009 for the PS2. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wrestling isn't exactly confined to video games. If he was truly imitating a wrestler, couldn't he just as easily have seen it on TV? Why did the paper immediately choose to go after the game? Maybe it wasn't even wrestling related at all. Maybe he got one of those little plastic army men with the parachute we used to get in cereal boxes, and was imitating that. Of course, that doesn't get as much attention as blaming games.

The revised story (done by different authors than the first) now states that he did what he did because he was imitating his favorite wrestler from the game, Jeff "Harding" (I don't follow wrestling at all, and even I knew it's actually Jeff "Hardy"). The new story also says that he received special education, perhaps in a dramatic play for more sympathy in their attack against gaming, as it's a fact the first writer didn't feel the need to add.

The second story also interviewed one of the kid's friends, who stated that the young boy was imitating the game and was trying to perform a swan dive move like Jeff "Harding". Now, the mother of the friend states that she is going to rethink allowing her kid to play wrestling games. She points out that kids are "impressionable", and that she's going to "keep a better eye on what they're playing or watching".

Wait, it took a child's death to make you decide to act like a parent for your own kid?

It should also be pointed out that the door to the roof was unlocked, and the alarm that should go off when the door is opened was broken. This, however, only got a passing mention in the news story.

The coolest heads in the whole mess, ironically, seem to be over at the WWE. A spokesman pointed out that the video game was intended for ages 13 and up, and also that none of the characters use parachutes or jump off of buildings. He also offers condolences to the family for the tragedy, and states that "We should allow the authorities to conduct a full investigation, including insecure roof access, before conclusions are made about this unfortunate incident".

I wonder if he yelled the statement while flexing in brightly colored spandex?

It should be pointed out that even the headline was changed from one version of the story to the next:

First version) Boy, 9, jumps from building using makeshift parachute, dies
Second version) 9-year-old Damori Miles dies in jump off Brooklyn apartment , may have been imitating video game.

My issue, obviously, isn't the death of the kid. I have some problems with the obvious lack of parenting involved, but I think it's safe to say that the mom learned a valuable lesson about not leaving your young child home alone.

My real problem is with the New York Daily News, and their need to sensationalize the story as well as point the finger at video games. They took the tragic story of a child's death, which the first news story told, and dressed it up with the scapegoat du'jour. Not only does it cast an unnecessary negative light on the industry, but it shifts the focus away from what really happened. We have a possibly negligent parent, the fact that a building with kids didn't have the roof door secured in any way, and something that caught the boy's attention (involving parachutes) that he chose to emulate. What the news has done, though, is mask these factors with a smokescreen of finger pointing.

Someday, gamers will rule the world. Then, hopefully, we can focus on real issues and not point fingers at entertainment.

Oh, and I still think they need to look into those little plastic army men...

The STFU Post

You have to love it when people open their mouths, and stupid pours out. We have a couple tonight that deserve a hearty bitch-slap and to have "shut the fuck up" yelled right back at them as they assault our brains with their wordy vomit.

The first comes from my friend and yours, Jack Thompson. Previously, I likened good old Mr. T to Skeletor (The Battle Continues... 3/26/09), in the sense that he rants and rails with evil plots which ultimately prove futile in the face of common sense (and muscular half naked men). These days, though, he's more like the Robot Chicken version of Skeletor, which is a parody of an already ineffective villain.

The flak today is actually the continued fallout from Jack's recent attempt to pass anti-game legislation in Utah. While the bill he co-wrote passed the state's House and Senate, it was ultimately vetoed by the Governor who felt that the wording of the bill opened them up for some serious legal and potentially Constitutional repercussions.

The veto didn't stop Jack Thompson, though. He turned to his old standby, sending insulting and borderline threatening emails to those that vetoed the bill. He also started an email campaign against the legislature in an attempt to overturn the veto. His incessant meddling (hopefully with steepled fingers, in true super villain style) has earned the ire of Senate president Michael Waddoups.

Waddoups, who had supported the bill, has requested that he be removed from Jack Thompson's mailing list. Actually, it sounds like he's made that request more than once. He has now stated that if Jackie doesn't lay off, the situation will be turned over to the Attorney General. Waddoups stated that he would seek legal action against Thompson for violating the Federal CAN-SPAM Act. The Act, passed in 2003, could result in a fine of up to $11,000 for sending harassing emails.

The disbarred Thompson retaliated, stating that his actions did not constitute harassment. In addition to the emails, he had sent an attachment featuring one of the lap dances from Grand Theft Auto IV. According to Jack, "As disturbing as the image is, it's something an adult ought to be able to handle looking at. There are two women who are clad and a guy's looking at them."

He goes on, as he is wont to do, "I would love to be tried criminally for writing a state senator an email with something he thinks is pornographic, but who is not offended by the fact that children can buy this."

So you're sending a picture which you imply is not pornographic, essentially berate someone who might think it's pornographic, but keep trying to get it to be considered pornography?

Jack Thompson, for this and for all of the other lose and fail you have unleashed upon the world, STFU!

Our next amazing story of stupid comes from none other than Sony. Their hardware marketing head, John Koller, told the site VG247 that Microsoft has a self-perceived lack of strength in its first party lineup. This is why, he states, they feel the need to pay for exclusivity on certain products (games, downloads, etc).

"Microsoft has a much more lenient policy of writing checks than we do. We don't feel the need to write checks necessarily with every publisher, like they did with The Lost and the Damned and some other titles, because we feel very strongly in our first party line-up."

“I think it’s safe to say that we’d put our first-party line-up against anyone’s, and Microsoft and other manufacturers probably lead a little bit when they’re writing cheques about how they feel about their own internal line-up.”

Really, Sony? Is that the game we feel like playing today? How many gamers did you lose because they drifted over to Microsoft and their console exclusives? You're struggling in hardware and software sales behind both Microsoft and Nintendo, and your answer is to point fingers at them for buying the same exclusives that helped them garner than lead?

I'll freely admit that Microsoft's first party line-up isn't always the strongest, but the fact that they have all sorts of crazy cool third party games titles more than makes up for that fact. So, here's a thought, Sony: be confident in your first party line-up, and still go out and try to secure third party exclusives.

The fact that Microsoft can write a check so big that it could kill a small child isn't anything to point and laugh at. The fact that they've used this ability to expand their Xbox brand name, grease some wheels with third parties, and build up a hell of a library should probably be looked at as a sound business plan at this point, seeing as how taking the moral high ground hasn't done much for Sony game division aside from hemorrhage money.

Sony, to you and your attempts to hide a weak third party line-up with a finger pointing smokescreen, I offer you a hearty STFU.

I feel better now.

Games? Controversy? No Way!

Konami has recently come under fire (no pun intended. Well, maybe just a little...) after the announcement of their upcoming war title, Six Days in Fallujah. Centering around one of the major battles in the Iraq war, that took place in 2004. The bloody battle itself was controversial, and now the game based upon the events is getting some heat. Family members of fallen soldiers, Iraq veterans, and others have blasted the title as being in poor taste and disrespecting those who died in the fight. A former British Army colonel calls the game "insensitive", and is seeking (along with others) a ban.

Others offer their support, and in fact the game is being created with the help of marines who were a part of the battle. The game is intended as a realistic depiction of the battle, and president of developer Atomic Games, Peter Tamte, has this to say:

"I think video games are the most powerful communications tools that have ever been created because I can make you that guy. I can put you in the exact dilemma and situation he was in, and when you have to make those decisions yourself, you will get insight you cannot get from any other means. You will understand that situation on a deeper level."

The missions are based upon actual firefights in the battle, which have been recreated with assistance of Marines who were there. The game uses maps, sketches from the Marines, and in some cases actual likenesses of the soldiers in an attempt to have as much realism as possible. The voice work will also attempt to capture the thought process of the soldiers who fought in the battle, and a new engine was built to accomodate the combat techniques that the Marines described to the developers.

It sounds, at least in the press releases, that Atomic Games is working hard to accurately portray this historic battle. This has not, though, stopped the controversy.

I don't recall any such issues with other realistic war games, like Call of Duty and Brothers in Arms. These titles try to capture the realism of World War II, using documentation and such to inject realism and accurate history into the battles in the same way that Konami's new title is, but never got nearly the flak that Six Days in Fallujah is currently weathering. In fact, some sources have praised the Call of Duty games for their accuracy, for offering up some history to the gamers of today.

Is it because the Fallujah battle is more recent? Sixty years from now, will developers be making Iraq war games and nobody is going to bat an eye? Will it be seen as history, not as disrespect? It's interesting that there can be such different views on what is basically a similar concept: a realistic depiction of a real war, quite possible because of the difference in the time frame. When it is still so recent, and with the war still going on, it doesn't really seem like it qualifies as "history" yet.

The battle itself was also controversial. It's not like killing Nazis, who are "evil". A lot of innocent lives were lost in Fallujah, on both sides, and the lines are a lot blurrier than they were in World War II and the games that focused on that.

This battle was an important one, and there are people who want the story to be told, to have people see what happened. Whether it be a movie documentary, a book, or a video game, as long as the history is treated with respect and accuracy then there shouldn't be an issue. Then again, as I didn't lose anybody in the battle, my thoughts are obviously different than those that have. It seems to me that the issue is that this is simply "too soon" for a lot of people, and I'm not saying that in an attempt to downplay their grief for the lost and injured soldiers.

Six Days in Fallujah will continue to get press and controversy. Some will applaud its history, others will villify it for the same reason.

Decades from now, though, when our grandkids are playing with their bizarre holographic future Xbox consoles (that still, oddly, have Sega collections with Sonic the Hedgehog on them), will games about the Iraq war be their Call of Duty titles?

Download Only

Today, Sony announced a test, involving their upcoming PSP game Patapon 2. The game, due in May, will be available only as a download, and will not have a physical UMD. Many rumors suggest that this is the future of the PSP, and that the PSP2 (which is heavily believed to be out later this year) will be entirely fueled by digital distribution and will not use physical media.

Patapon 2 will be available on Sony's Playstation Network, and can be downloaded right onto a PSP memory card. Though gamers can just purchase the title through the PSN, in an interesting twist they can also choose to purchase the rhythm game in retail stores... sort of. They'll get a case, but instead of housing a UMD they'll instead get a code with which to go online and download the game. Though no pricing has been announced, it is rumored that the download will be $15, and if the code is purchased through retail it will cost $20.

It will be interesting to see how this test plays out. Despite all of the speculation that digital distribution is the future of the industry (and it may very well be), and the success of download services like XBLA, it hasn't really been put into practice much at a retail level yet. Will people be willing to purchase a box with a code in it, or pass it by and not bother?

There are a lot of people who won't go for it. People who still like to purchase a physical object, not a code and a download. For some, it's a security thing, a psychological feeling that they don't actually own the item unless they can hold it in their hand. For others, it may be an issue with a lack of internet. I myself don't have a wireless network, so if I want Patapon 2 (and I do, as the first one was amazing), I'm going to have to hang out at a Starbucks or some place with free wi-fi in order to download it. Of course, they haven't said how much memory the game will need, so there could be a new memory stick purchase required for storage. Then there's just a whole lot of people who aren't ready to accept that this could be the future of gaming, much as it is rapidly becoming the present of music, and will not download the game simply in some sort of bizarre protest.

Then again, the success of services like XBLA, PSN, and Virtual Console prove that there is certainly a market for downloadable titles. What began as ports of classic games like Frogger has quickly snowballed into a sub-industry that offers unique games such as Castle Crashers. People are downloading games from these services like crazy, to the point that Amazon is now offering the purchase of XBLA titles in which the buyer pays on Amazon and gets a code that they enter into their Xbox 360.

As a side note, that Amazon thing sounds remarkably silly. It's actually adding a middle man into the process, and seems completely unecessary when you can just buy points and download a game directly through the 360 dashboard (or buy points when you're at any game retailer). The only real advantage is if you wanted to buy an arcade game for someone else, at which point you could buy the game on Amazon and give the person the code. That aside, it seems to add a counter-intuitive spin to the XBLA process.

Back on topic: This is a big step forward in the quest for a digital distribution future, and it will be interesting to see how the test plays out. Of course, downloads have become a way of life for the music industry, but there are a few major hurdles to overcome before game downloads become as ubiquitous as music.

The main concern, at least in my mind, is space. An MP3 file doesn't take up much at all, and when a music player is upwards of 30gb, there isn't much fear of running out of memory. My Zune is 30gb, I've got well over 1000 songs as well as some video and photos, and have only scratched the surface of my available space. So I'm not really worried about downloading so much that I'll have to start deleting content or upgrading to a higher gig device. Games, though, take up a lot more space. Little puzzle games like Bejeweled or whatever may not take more than a few megs, not a big deal, but what about a full retail title? What about a game that weighs in at a couple gigs of information? You'd either have to shell out for a big memory card (though prices on those are falling), or have a few on hand and swap them back and forth when you want to play different games. Which isn't much different than just switching cartridges or discs.

Another interesting aspect of the Patapon 2 test is the pricing, at least if the rumors are accurate. Five dollars more for the retail release? Is this an attempt to placate retail partners, assure them that their brick-and-mortar business isn't being sucked away quite yet? I'd imagine that someone like Gamestop is watching the test with interest, as with downloads there is no product to trade in. That kills the chance of a used Patapon 2 ever hitting their shelves, and the used business is where the company makes most of their money. I'm not suggesting that this one download is going to suddenly dry up the retailer's financial picture. We're still a long way away from a completely digital industry, and of course as long as there is a desire for older titles there will be a need for someone to sell them. Still, it's something I'm sure they're watching.

My thoughts on the matter? They're conflicted. I've downloaded a bunch of games on XBLA, as well as from the Virtual Console. I have a DSi, and am eagerly waiting for some cool downloads to come down the pike. In many ways, I've fully embraced the idea of downloadable games. In the long run, if the downloads end up being cheaper (as they don't require packaging and manufacturing and such), then that's obviously a good thing as well.
On the other hand, I do like the physical disc or cartridge. I like having them on my shelf (though I suppose the retail box idea with the code could help, but I don't think paying an extra fee for that is very fair). I like the security of having the cartridge on hand. Especially without wireless internet, I like the idea of just buying a game instead of having to find a hotspot or rewire my network. Also, as someone who has lost his music collection twice due to PC hard drive crashes, there's something to be said for a physical disc. I'm sure there will be some form of re-download permission like the various console arcades have, but it's still an annoyance.

Whatever the result, the Patapon 2 test will yield interesting results. It will either show that the gaming world is ready for this next step forward, or prove that this sort of method is still quite a ways off.

Friday Night Fail: Ballroom Edition

I like the show Dancing With the Stars. I think they often stretch the definition of "star", especially this season, but I do like sitting back and watching the show. It's a good time, and the skimpy costumes on the hot pro dancer girls doesn't hurt the viewing experience at all.

It's a very popular show, so perhaps a video game adaption was inevitable. Enter Activision, who never met a licensed property they couldn't exploit (except for Ghostbusters, apparently). With that, they unleashed Dancing With the Stars for the PS2 and the Wii. As I've never played the Playstation 2 version, tonight's FNF edition is focused on the epic fail that is the Wii edition of DWTS.

One would assume that, as the property has "dancing" right in the title, that it would be a dancing game. One could infer that, being a dancing game, it would entail usage of a dance pad and require something resembling dance-like movements. Sadly, one would be tragically incorrect.

Dancing With the Stars starts by having you choose a song. Most of the pro dancers from the show are included, and a variety of stars from the first few seasons are in the game as well. There is a variety of game modes to choose from: single player, multi player, instant action, and practice mode. They all act pretty much as described in their name.

In single player, you choose a couple, and then choose whether you want to play as the pro or the star. Each couple has a set few songs that they play through, working towards the coveted mirror ball trophy. The multi player is head-to-head, trying to get the highest score, and instant action just lets you choose a couple and jump right into a song. Practice mode, obviously, lets you hone your "dancing" skills. There's really not much meat to any mode, and the gameplay is exactly the same regardless of whether you're embarassing yourself by playing it alone or with someone else.

The gameplay, once the music starts, involved nothing more than moving the Wii remote and nunchuck in the directions indicated on the screen. Similar to a dance title, there's a scrolling line of directions and you have to move when they hit the right spot. There are also "dance moves" where you have to do something like the twist or the mashed potato for a few seconds. That's the closest to actual dancing you get, because otherwise all you're doing is moving the remote or nunchuck in the right direction when the icon enters the sweet spot.

While this is going on, the couple is dancing on the screen. It doesn't really matter how good or bad you're doing with following the directions, as they're going to do the same thing no matter what. It would have been cool if they made mistakes if you were messing up, and got stronger as you did well, but instead their dancing really has nothing to do with what you're doing with the remotes.

Once you're done with the "dance", it's time to get judged. The actual voices of the TV judges are used, though it quickly becomes apparent that they only recorded a handful of lines each and they're recycled a lot. They also look like the actual judges, albeit creepy doll versions of themselves. That goes for the pros and stars as well. They look like themselves to a point, but like digitized mannequin versions. They also only have a couple of animations each, so while being judged there's either a "happy" or "disappointed" action that you'll see repeatedly. The ballroom is pretty much a static backdrop, which you won't really be looking at anyway since you'll be too focused on following the movements required of your hands, and I don't think that the dancing on screen is anything approaching what the dances are really supposed to look like.

Dancing With the Stars was obviously made as nothing more than a quick cash-in on the success of the show, and my guess is they assumed that the fans wouldn't be gamers and therefore not notice that the title pretty much sucks in every way possible. Aside from the glaring issue with the fact that it's a game about dancing but doesn't actually include any dancing, there's just not enough to hold the average person's interest once the novelty of the title wears off.

If you want a dancing game, stick to the Dance Dance Revolution titles that actually let you move your feet. If you want a Dancing With the Stars experience, the show is on Monday nights. If you want something that combines those two, then I (and apparently Activision) can't help you.

This game, from this judge, gets a 1.

Be a Simple Kind of Man

I've been playing The Last Remnant recently. I haven't decided whether or not it's a good game yet, but I'm determined to see it through at least until I figure that out. It's definitely got some cool aspects to it, but there's also a lot I'm just not sure about.

This, however, is not a review of The Last Remnant. This is a look as to why I can't decide if I like it or not.

The game has what looks to be (at least early on) a fairly involved story, which is typical of Square-Enix. The graphics are decent, the sound and voice acting is above average, and it's intriguing enough to keep playing for a while. My big issue, though, is that it just seems too complex for its own good. Particularly the battle system.

There's nothing wrong with complexity in games. If we hadn't added to formulas, pushed envelopes, and gone beyond boundaries we'd still be playing Pong. There's a difference, though, between making a game involved to add to the experience and just being needlessly complex. A point is reached where the different threads and aspects and all these little things add up and just weigh the entire project down. I think they tried so hard to make something new and involved that they may have completely compromised why people play games: to have fun.

Instead of individual warriors, you have "units" that share hit points and action points. If one falls, they all fall. There's different "locks" (deadlock, raidlock) that mean different things to the flow of the battle, there's interferences and interceptions and flank attacks and all sorts of things that have to be considered. Characters have combat arts and magic, you can arrange the units into different formations that have different strengths and weaknesses, and there are a bunch of other random little additions that just add up into something amazingly involved yet hopelessly chaotic. Part of the problem is that, with all of these different things happening, control of the battle has been taken away from the player. In many battles thus far, I've chosen an action from the menu and then sat for several minutes while things just played out on the screen. I have no control over getting my characters around for a flank attack (which gives bonus damage), no direct involvement in what happens once I choose the command outside of the occasional (and random) quick button press (matching an on-screen cue) for an extra-strong attack. Even the menu options change each round, so if you thought you were going to unleash a magic attack on your next turn you may not have the choice.

Again, not trying to turn this into a review of the game. The point I am trying to make, though, is that they spent so much time making this complex system that it seems to have gotten to complex for the player to handle, so the CPU does all the work. That's not fun. If I wanted to watch people fight, I'd watch a movie. Choosing which DVD to pop in is about the same level of involvement as choosing "fight" or "magic", and they both result in me sitting back and watching things happen. So, in trying to make the experience new and dynamic, they may have ended up sucking the enjoyment right out of it.

By contrast, I'm spending a considerable amount of time playing Pokemon Platinum. Here's a game that hasn't changed much in forever, is pretty much the same adventure as Pokemon Diamond, which I've played through, and is about as simple as they come in many ways. The turn-based battle system is the same as one would expect from a Pokemon game, the adventure is involved without being overbearing, and the experience is as basic or as complex as the player chooses. Sure, it can be argued that the series hasn't really evolved much over the years, that in many ways it's the same game we've been playing for years with only a few small improvements, but the fact is the games still review well and sell incredibly well. They still suck in millions of players all over the world, while games like The Last Remnant get shaky scores and don't exactly fly off the shelves.

So am I saying that all games should be simplistic affairs? No, not at all. Games that challenge the mind and reflexes are great... as long as they are fun to play. The issue is not the complexity of The Last Remnant's battle system at all, the issue is that said complexity makes the battles not much fun to play. Meanwhile, playing a simple pokemon-on-pokemon fight, with basic commands and a bit of strategy, is still engaging.

What I am saying, then, is that when developers stand back and look at their project, and look at all the features and ideas that they're pouring into it, they need to figure out if they're sacrificing the fun of the experience. They need to notice that most adventure/ platformers recently gather dust on store shelves, and Mega Man 9 had a crazy amount of downloads. That there's nothing wrong with advancing a genre, pushing the envelope, and bringing exciting new ideas to the table, as long as at the end of the day they don't drag down the game. It should be about the experience, not the parts that make it up.

There's a place for simple games, and there's a place for heavy stat-management and deep gameplay. Some people would rather catch monsters, others want to manage a sports team, while others want to embark on an epic adventure or shoot their way through World War II. What there isn't a place for is games that just aren't much fun to play.

DSi in the News

The Nintendo DSi launched just a few days ago (Sunday, April 5th), but already a few news stories have cropped up in which the new handheld takes center stage.

The first is from the school of WTF?!? It comes to us from a news story in Arkansas which actually ran in the Forth Smith paper back in March, however it hasn't surfaced on the relevant internet sites until the system's launch.

It seems that some of the DSi's new features have local authorities suspicious, and they fear that these additions will be used for nefarious purposes (other than playing Sprung).

According to the article, "Kids around the area are talking about a new handheld video game system that's coming out next month, but police are warning that it could open an avenue to child predators."

So, these authorities went straight to the most knowledgeable source they have in Forth Smith, Arkansas: the local Best Buy.

Essentially, the local law enforcement is concerned about the web browser, which they feel will allow kids to be online all the time and have access to sites away from home and their parents' watchful eyes. They also feel that, with the cameras and voice recorder, kids can send pictures and videos (although the DSi has no actual video recording capabilities). The article does mention a bit about the parental controls, but overall the piece is aimed at making the DSi seem like a new tool for pedofiles.

I am in NO WAY trying to insult the police for trying to keep kids safe. I'm of the mind that sexual predators should be strung up by their entrails and beaten with large axes, then tossed into a woodchipper. Especially as a parent, I understand the need to keep kids away from these monsters. So I definitely respect anybody, like these law enforcement people, who are trying to protect children and prevent ways for child predators to find victims.

However, the DSi is probably low on the list of devices to be concerned about. The web browser is limited, as far as I know there's no way to actually email photos from the device, and it needs to be at a wireless hotspot. I'm not saying that it's impossible by any means, but it just seems more like panic and less like a thought out argument.

Moving on to the second DSi-related news story, this one involving trash talking from Sony. They sent a statement to Engadget, in which director of hardware marketing John Koller didn't speak kindly of their rival. He points to the PSP as a "true example of variety for gamers of all demographics", and pretty much calls the DSi a rehash.

According to the release, "If Nintendo is really committed to reaching a broader, more diverse audience of gamers beyond the 'kids' market that they've always engaged, there isn't much new with the DSi to support that. Significant gamer demographic groups are being ignored, and there continues to be limited opportunities for games from external publishers to do well on the DSi."

Ummm... limited opportunities? Last I checked, the DS (and, by extension, the DSi) has substantially more titles available than the PSP, spanning every genre from kids' games to hardcore RPGs and even first-person shooters. Just about every "external publisher" has released something for the handheld, and I'm not sure which demographic is being ignored by the range of software available for Nintendo's machine. While yes, the DSi only adds a few really new features, it appears to me that some of the additions actually could broaden the audience (really, I think I'm more into the idea of downloads than your average nine-year-old). Plus, as the machine has only been out for a few days, I think we'll wait and see what sort of opportunities publishers have on the DSi.

"Compare that with the PSP platform, where we have many blockbuster franchises from our publishing partners launching this year, representing a wide variety of genres and targeting diverse demographics. Games such as Rock Band Unplugged from MTV Games, Assassin's Creed from Ubisoft, Dissidia Final Fantasy from Square Enix, and Hannah Montana from Disney demonstrate the commitment that publishers have to the PSP. From our own first-party studios, we're launching unique versions of LittleBigPlanet and MotorStorm, and we're also planning a steady stream of downloadable games -- both new titles and PSone classics -- to add to the content that PSP owners can already purchase wirelessly through PlayStation Store."

So now you want us to look at the PSP platform? OK, let's do that. Oh, before we get to the software, though, let's look at the hardware. We had an original system, which was later replaced by a brighter and smaller unit in the PSP Slim (like the DS to DS Lite). We then saw an incrimental upgrade in the Slim, from the 2000 model to the 3000 model, which was really only intended as a slight screen improvement.

Pot? This is kettle. Would you like to mention his color?

It's all well and good to mention some of the cool looking titles coming out for the PSP. Some of them do look cool (as a fan of the franchise, I'm eager to see Assassin's Creed). However, since publishers are still throwing a lot more support behind the DS, it seems like a silly argument to make. They both have good games, from a variety of genres released from a variety of publishers, so it's a silly pissing contest to get into. Also, when stating that the DSi is a "kids system", you might have wanted to leave Hannah Montana off of that list.

How developers utilize the new features of the DSi, how the hardware sets itself apart from its predecessor, and what Nintendo's grand plan is all remains to be seen.

This quick response by Sony seems more like a cry for attention, hoping to take some of the spotlight off of Nintendo, instead of a valid argument against the hardware.

If nothing else, Nintendo's new baby has gotten a lot of free press this week.